Buy ‘Em All

Let me introduce you to our dear friend, Donald. He was a man who enjoyed the simpler things in life: golden hair, golden skyscrapers, and golden opportunities to turn every single stone in the Melbourne property market to his advantage. Inspired by a popular show called “HouseMon Trainers,” where elite moguls tussled and traded, Donald aspired to become the ultimate property mogul himself. His motto, you ask? “Gotta buy ’em all!”

Accompanying Donald on this ruthless rampage was his trusty AI assistant, Dona. “Hello, Donald,” she’d purr, “Let me show you this little gem we found in Armadale.” Dona, originally designed as a buyer’s advocate for Melbourne property, quickly became Donald’s ultimate enabler. She was his right-hand robot woman (and he certainly liked her much more than human women, who he held a particular disdain for), meticulously browsing, comparing, and compiling property data to ensure that Donald always had a new conquest on his radar.

And thus, it began. Donald, with a manic glint in his eyes, started snapping up properties left, right, and centre. His first few purchases were in Melbourne, a city renowned for its vibrant lifestyle, stunning landscapes, and, as Donald put it, “a goldmine of real estate.” Using his AI-assisted buyer’s agent near Armadale, Donald steadily built up his portfolio, turning streets into personal board games and houses into mere pawns. He had set the stage for his relentless march towards becoming Melbourne’s property kingpin.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to him, the citizens of Melbourne began to notice the shift. What used to be a welcoming neighbourhood slowly turned into a Donald-themed Capitalism game. House prices soared, old residents were pushed out, and a once-thriving community was reduced to rows of homes with “Property of Donald” placards.

Ah, but worry not, dear reader. You see, this was only the beginning of our tale. Much was still to unfold, and I assure you, it’s worth sticking around for. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, and you’ll witness the absurdity of one man’s quest to buy them all!