I swore to myself that I’d never go to a hardware store again, but this project of mine has had me doing a lot of things I never thought I would. While those stupid pirates are competing for a treasure that doesn’t exist, I’m busying myself by building a device that will eliminate piracy forever. I’m sure they are starting to suspect that the earrings I gave them actually manipulate their minds, letting me influence their actions. Even if they have worked it out, it doesn’t matter. I already have complete control over them, so long as I say my special codeword.
As they are leaders in the modern piracy community, when I permanently gain control over them through my new device, I will be able to have them disband piracy worldwide. That is why I have to go to a hardware store around Cheltenham. It will be worth it to get the supplies I need for the Mind Controller 5000. Hopefully I get everything I need on this trip so that I don’t have to go back another time. I’m pretty sure I put everything on my list.
Why did I swear to never go to a hardware store again? Well, it’s pretty personal, but what happened is that I needed to get some timber supplies. Close to Cheltenham, there are a lot of jerks who like to bully people like me. When I got to the hardware shop, some guy came up to me and called me a nerd, because of my glasses. That really hurt my feelings, and I’ve been afraid to go to a hardware store ever since. This time, though, I’ll take my trusty gamma blaster with me. Let’s see how that guy feels about nerds this time, if he’s there.
Really, though, I’m just hoping to go into the hardware store without being bullied. I’ll make sure to wear my contacts this time, so maybe that will help.